Sad Times

The last couple of weeks have been very hard for me. I lost two old friends.

Strictly speaking I lost Gary and "Uncle" Lol years ago. Families drift and move away and we lost touch over twenty years ago. Now they are gone and that friendship can never be rekindled. That is what I have found so hard to deal with this week; two funerals seeing people I grew up with and loved like family. It has been a harsh reminder of all the things I miss from my childhood.

With all the social networking available nowadays, has maintaining or renewing friendships become any easier? Personally, I find it hard to communicate with friends and family I haven't seen or spoken to in a very long time. So much time has passed, new families have been made, new friendships forged. These people have become almost like strangers. The faces look familiar and they seem to know all this stuff about you but the connection is gone.

There are some people I have lost touch with over the years that I would love to become close with again. It all seems a little improbable though. Their lives are complete and there is little room for me to burrow my way in.

I have my own little family unit now as well and little time to make new friends or expand my social life. Work and home commitments fill the days and exhaustion takes the nights. The past is the past and I suppose I must lay it to rest. I often criticise my sisters for living in the past too much and yet lately I have found myself dwelling on my own history more and more. All these "what ifs" and "if onlys" race around my mind. I wouldn't necessarily want to change where I have ended up but I think I would have preferred a different journey.