Okay. I have become a little lazy with my blogging, mostly because I don't think I am writing about anything that is interesting. Mainly this blog is a free therapy session where I can't get things off my chest and out of my head and just forget about them.
A chance remark at work led to reminiscing about a weekly game I used to play at a previous company I had worked for. The office had a large white board at one end of the office that never really got used for anything. One day someone wrote a Top Ten topic at the top of the board and the rest of us would nominate entries. It soon became a simple stress reliever that spawned other conversations and heated debates and made the boring days go quickly. Each week someone would pick a new topic and we would begin again. So I thought I would resurrect this for my blog on a monthly basis. So here goes...
The first topic is "I Don't Get It".
TOP TEN I DON'T GET IT
10. UGG BOOTS
I am one of those people that think feet are the ugliest part of the body so why would you highlight your ugly feet with even uglier boots. Footwear should be functional even if its only function is to match your outfit. These boots though are bloody awful. Okay, they might be warm and comfortable but is that any excuse to clop around in these monstrosities. They are useless in British weather because after five minutes in the rain or snow your feet are soaking wet and no-one can walk in them without appearing like they have a chronic case of piles.
9. CAMPING OUT FOR THE LATEST GADGET
Why, why, why would you book time off work to go and live like a homeless person for a week. Does it really matter that you have THAT phone in your hand before anyone else you know? Is it really worth cold uncomfortable nights out just so you can say you got yours on the day of release? I happen to love camping but it should be reserved for fields and campsites not high streets. Where do they hammer in their tent pegs anyway?
8. GEORGE CLOONEY
He always appears on these lists of the world's most sexist men and women of all ages go mental for him. I can appreciate that even at 50 he is a good looking fella but I don't think he's anything to faint over. I always measure the talent of a good actor by how much you forget who is actually playing the character. If you see the character before the actor then the performer has done a good job. He has appeared in films with some of the sexiest women in the world and there is never any on-screen chemistry between them. According to his fans he oozes sex appeal but I just can't see it. I think he is very wooden and plays the same character in each of his films, namely himself!
7. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
I won't go on about this one because I already wrote a blog on it. This series is proof that it doesn't matter about the quality of a product - hype sells.
6. ART
Maybe I should say I don't get modern art. Most people can appreciate a fine painting or a beautiful sculpture. It is the huge art installations that I don't understand. I am sure it is no easy task to cut an animal in half and pickle it in formaldehyde but it is certainly not something I would like to look at everyday. It is not just the art of Damien Hirst I can't appreciate, every year the Turner Prize awards thousands of pounds to the artist of the year. Every year I look at the winning entry and wonder if I am just too stupid to appreciate the creation or if the judges are sitting back laughing their heads off at us all.
5. THE ROYLE FAMILY
I know a lot of people find this series funny but I think it's just depressing. I have tried a few times to watch it but I'd rather do the washing up. All they do is whinge and whine. Whenever people talk about a comedy show they always mention their favourite episode or favourite character but with The Royle Family the episodes blur into one and the characters don't do much. Give me Mrs Brown's Boys instead or even a good and trusty episode of Friends or Only Fools and Horses.
4. PRETENTIOUS COFFEE
I make no secret of the fact I am a bit tight with money. In this ecomony it is prudent to cut back on extravagences and save that money for the essentials. Is it little wonder that the trend of coffee houses which have appeared in every town and city in the UK seriously pisses me off. The idea of paying £3 for a cup of coffee makes my blood boil. I don't know what half the things on the menu mean and there's nothing more intimidating when you queue up to order and then hear the person in front order their "non-fat grande soy chai latte with a double shot of espresso and no foam!" It takes five minutes to prepare your order even when it's just a plain black coffee, then it's so scorching hot that you can't drink it for 10 minutes and when you do, it tastes like shit! Do the math - one cup of £3 coffee every weekday for a year adds up to £780. Buy a thermal cup and make your own, people.
3. FEMALE BODYBUILDING
I know these women are dedicated and work extremely hard to achieve these results but I think this is just ugly. Take care of yourself and tone up by all means but these pictures always remind me of that anatomy manequin where the skin removed to reveal all the muscles and blood vessels underneath. I don't even like this much muscle on a man!
2. SOAP OPERAS
Ooh did you watch Eastenders last night? Did you see what happened on Corrie? No because I don't organise my life around the scheduling of any tv programme. It's not that I don't like soaps, it's the people that get so engrossed in them they can't talk about anything else. This condition isn't limited to the more mature woman, of course, even kids are into these shows. I know people that arrange meeting up for a night out late just so they can watch Corrie before they leave! Get a Sky+ box, get a Tivo box - better still, get a life!
1. WEDDINGS
Specifically OUTDOOR WEDDINGS. I do not understand why this government (and every government before) refuses to allow outdoor weddings in this country. I would really like to see the law changed from licenced premises to licenced persons. The average wedding in the UK costs between £15K and £20K - over half of that is spent on the venue/reception. Of course, you could always save a few thou by getting a quickie down the local register office and then going for a couple of drinks down your local! (Been there - done that!) I'd like to do it properly this time. Despite the weather, I think we should have the choice of getting married anywhere. A church is a lovely place for your ceremony if you are religious but register offices can be a bit hit and miss depending on where you live. At the moment if you want an outdoor ceremony, you can have one but you would still have to go through a second ceremony at a register office just to make it legal, this is madness. If you want an outdoor ceremony, you can always go overseas but then you are talking megabucks as well. It could be a nice little earner for the government; they could charge for the marriage licence and also charge for the officiant's licence; the licenced officiants would have to pay tax on their earnings; more marriages would take place because it would be easier and cheaper for couples to marry. Add this to the fact that the state pension for a married couple is less than for single people and I think my proposal could go a long way to reducing that deficit everyone keeps going on about.
