Dirty Laundry

Mum always told me, "Don't air your dirty laundry in public." Normally I adhere to her warning. I kept all the details of my bad marriage to myself. In fact, I kept it so secret that announcing we were getting divorced was a huge shock to everyone. It was no-one else's business as far as I was concerned.
Dad always told me, "Don't have arguments. You'll only say something you can't take back later." To this day, I don't like arguing. If it gets a little too heated, I will walk away and wait for things to calm down. I never want to say something to someone just to be spiteful so I never let myself get so agitated that my mouth runs away from me. Trust me, I can cuss and curse as good as the next person (I am a Feltham girl after all) but I don't see the point.
I wasn't the only daughter given this advice. My two half-sisters were given the same advice growing up. So why is it that I listened and they didn't.
Over the years, we have had all the minutae of our family life told and retold, embellished and exagerated. Like Chinese Whispers, these stories have expanded and morphed until they are so far from the facts they are beyond recognition. If you tell a lie long enough it becomes the truth.
I am sure we are not the only family that has its fair share of embarrassments. If the truth was told, our extended family would give the writer's of Eastenders some inspiration and most people wouldn't believe a word of it. I don't think we've had a murder yet (there's still time!) but just about everything else from affairs to child abuse has touched our family at some point or another.
My parents split when I was about 7 and both started new relationships and I gained new siblings. I don't rate siblings by blood connection. My step sister and brothers are as much my family as my half brother and sisters. It wasn't always that way, of course, growing up I had resentments. I was young and jealous and hurt and I acted up and acted out. But I grew out of it. I wish I could say the same for everyone.
So why am I writing this blog on this topic. Because my half-sister Karen seems to think it is acceptable to attack my step-sister Wendy on Facebook, scream abuse down the phone at my step-mum Di the day after my Dad passed, and now rant and rave at Wendy in the middle of Asda throwing in "it should have been your mum that died!" I don't doubt that Karen is hurting over the loss of my Dad but acting like scum is unacceptable. I cannot sympathise with someone who chose to disown the only man that had ever treated her right. If she is now troubled with feelings of regret and guilt because she cannot correct her mistakes then that is her shit to deal with. Attacking the people my Dad loved is not the answer.
She seems to have it in her head that she has the biggest claim to my Dad because she was there first! If we are going to have a pissing contest over who was closest to him, she will lose big time. She had this man in her life for less than ten years, Wendy had him for over thirty. He loved her like his own, her children are his grandchildren. He would not have understood all this anomosity, he would not have appreciated it and he would have sided with Wendy just as I am doing.
Let me set the record straight here and now, in case Karen ever reads this. The decision not to have Dad buried with Dawn has absolutely nothing to do with money. In fact, it would have been the cheaper option so get your facts straight before making accusations. The reason is private and personal and frankly, none of your business. The decision was made jointly by his wife, his son and his daughters. I was not cut out of anything. I was involved in all the decision making regarding his funeral and resting place and I am happy with the decisions we made as a family. I do not need you to defend me. There is nothing to defend.
Peter was my Dad, my blood. He was a good man. A quiet man. This is not a fitting tribute to his memory or the way he lived his life.
I am embarrassed by you, Karen. You should be ashamed of yourself.