Maternal Instincts

I knew from a very early age that I didn't want children. The very thought of being pregnant and giving birth brings me out in a cold sweat. I can't even stand to listen to other women talk about it. I actually feel nauseous. This is a real phobia, it even has a proper name - Tocophobia. I grew up with people telling me that I would grow out of it or when I meet the right guy I'll change my mind. I never did.

It's not that I don't like kids, I love them. When my older sisters started spitting out grandchildren all eyes started to fall on me. Everyone thought I'd start getting broody and it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to my natural instincts. They were all wrong.

Then I met Clint.

Clint already had two children from a previous relationship. When we met they were 3 and 6. From my own personal experience I knew it was hard for children to accept their parent's new partner so we were very careful. I wasn't introduced to them until both of us were sure and until Clint had spoken to his ex.

They both accepted me so readily, we were extremely lucky. They could have made our lives hell, tried to play us off against each other but they didn't. They have never thrown the "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my mum" line, not once.

Six years on I am a mum, strictly speaking a stepmum but a mum nonetheless. I clothe them, I feed them, I love them as if they were my own. I have cried tears for them and held them close when they have cried. I help them with their homework and nurse them when they are sick. I guide them through their present and worry about their future, I am a mum.

Ella once asked me if she would have to call me Mum when Clint and I get married. I told her the same thing my stepmother told me years ago, of course she doesn't have to she already has a mum.

As for my stepmother, Diane - it took many years but I call her Mum. She may not have given birth to me and I do have a real Mum but Di has always been there for me even when I didn't want her to be. She looked after me and looked out for me even when I said the most horrible things a child can say to a person. I am lucky enough to have two mums and I love them both.